Headline from the Onion, tip from JJC’s favorite reader. Dear The Onion, JJC hearts you! Here are some highlights:
“Lockhart, a recent high-school graduate who sources confirmed is plagued by resentment, self-doubt, unexpected fits of rage, and has always had a penchant for tormenting those who are smaller and weaker than him, explained that he feels he is well suited to serve as a police officer.”
“Friends and family confirmed that Lockhart, an unpredictable, petty individual who frequently loses his temper when he feels he is being threatened or disrespected, has in recent months been inquiring into joining the ranks of the Raleigh Police Department. In this role, the man with a massive chip on his shoulder and no visible sense of empathy would be tasked with peacefully resolving disputes and evenhandedly administering justice to members of the community over whom he would have official power.”
“Sources also felt it bears mentioning that Lockhart is an impassioned and unapologetic racist.”
Which brings me to one of my favorite Sarah Silverman jokes:
My other favorite is that being raped by a doctor is bittersweet for a Jewish girl.