Heart Don’t Heart


(I Heart):



I remember seeing the book when it came out at the book store and thinking “poor rich white pretty girl goes to prison and realizes it’s shitty. Yawn. [Jane Doe then yawned.]” I was wrong. Dead wrong.  The show is really funny and definitely owns the whole white girl in prison woe is me shit.  It’s very much like if I went to prison. The first night someone asks her what she’s in for. She says “can you ask that? I read you’re not supposed to ask that.” Yes, she studied for prison. Awesomeness.


(I Don’t Heart:)



My phone going apeshit because the government has infiltrated it to alert me whenever g-d knows who has been kidnapped by whats his face in some farkakta child custody dispute.  My in laws did not get to see the rest of the bachelorette because the amber alert messed up the tivo.  Now that is a tragedy.

Want to ensure this doesn’t happen again? Here’s how to fix it on an iphone:

1. go to settings>notifications:

2. click “off” by “amber alert.”

image image

Note, I left on emergency alert because I am obviously selfish and care about an alert that could theoretically affect me as opposed to one about some random stranger.

2 thoughts on “Heart Don’t Heart

  1. you would be really funny in prison. if you were in prison, i would purposely do something stupid and get caught so we could hang out together in prison. that would be pretty fun.

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